Elimination Woes - A Day of Discomfort

Freddy was a little late for work the other day, so he didn't have time to eliminate before he left. It is unlikely that he will make that mistake again. Although he did not feel the need to eliminate at the time, around lunch time, a storm began a brewin'. As a result, Freddy spent most of the afternoon in discomfort as his stomach and intenstines churned while he tried to wait until he returned home that evening.

Now some of Freddy's readers might be saying, "What's the big deal. Why didn't you just eliminate at work?" This might be an easy solution for some, but Freddy is a bit particular about where he eliminates. "Wait a second," say Freddy's friends, "I've never known you to be picky about where you eliminate. What about that time you eliminated in front of Sandburg's Store for Men? or behind the Wheaton Eye Clinic's sign?" Well, yes, Freddy, on occassion has thrown caution to the wind and chosen a few unique, less-than-discrete spots for the ritual, but for the most part, Freddy only eliminates where he feels comfortable.

There is a famous story amoung Freddy's family members about how he held back his elimination for nearly a week during summer camp when he was 8 year old. The reason? He didn't wanted to eliminate in the rooms with plumbing, not in some stinky hole in the ground. His counselor told him they could only use the nice elimination rooms at the cafeteria if it was an absolute emergency. Freddy figured, if he held it long enough, it would eventually be a true emergency and he could honestly ask for permission to use the cafeteria elimination rooms.

You see, Freddy's preffered Elimination area is kind of like that Ernest Hemmingway short story, "A Clean, Well-lighted Place." That's what Freddy likes when he eliminates, clean, not stinky and well-lighted. "Wide stances" from the next stall are not welcome either. Freddy's first choice is always his own elimination room in his home. He keeps it clean, it's comfortable, and there are plenty of books around to pass the time. Should nature beckon when Freddy is not at home, however, he is very careful about which facility he chooses. Sadly, Freddy's current place of employment does not offer an elimination room that is up to his standards, and therefore, never eliminates at work. It was the same in high school. Freddy did not like the rooms provided at school, so for four years, he limited his elimination to his home. In college, there were only two other rooms on campus, besides his apartment, where Freddy would eliminate, should an emergency arise. Those were the fourth floor rooms on BGC near the elevator, or the third floor elimination rooms in Blanchard hall. If Freddy had an urgent need to eliminate on campus, and he was, say, in the library, he would pack up and leave the library to and utilize the Blanchard rooms (assuming that was closer than his own apartment) and then return to the library after elimination had completed.

Since Freddy wakes up pretty early these days, and has at least two cups of coffee before he heads off to work, I guess it's pretty important to take care of that elimination before going out the door. That, or at least make sure there is a Sandburg's Store for Men on the way. Happy Eliminating!

Freddy's stores:
EntropicTees
Cafepress